“Dear Valerie, I am in pain and heartbroken for walking away from someone who I know is not going to work right for me. Yet I kept wanting to go back to him. I kept wanting to reach out to him,”A follower on @SpeedofGrace Instagram
I have my own breakup story to share. This was a toxic relationship I got myself into before I married Mr. El Deek. And like this follower, I also refused to end the relationship despite all the signs I get. It was the time I felt so low and trampled upon, but also the time I processed to re-learn my self and connect to the Creator. Truly, your breakup can be your breakthrough. Let me share with you 3 lessons I learned from that breakup.
Breakup Tests Your Relationship with Yourself
In this time of vulnerability is also high time to check on your relationship with yourself.
How are you with yourself?
One reason why it was hard for me to let go of that toxic relationship was that I thought that’s what I deserved.
I used to tell myself “I am not worth the best”.
It made me realize that I didn’t love myself enough, so I attracted people into myself who also had no love for me.
You know this was such a traumatic experience in my relationship but it really pushed me to look at my relationship with myself. Questions entered my mind, which I challenge you to ask yourself too:
Do I like myself?
Do I love myself?
Do I commit to myself to a level where I would say, “Valerie, you are my one and only.”
Am I showing love on myself recently?
Breakups Teach You to Re-establish Relationship with Yourself
I want you to know that the relationship came at the time everything was seemingly fine for me. I just recovered from a health diagnosis. I just got relieved from a multi-dollar debt.
And like any other relationship, it was all fireworks and sparks flying at the start. I know deep down my gut is telling me, every time when I’m with that man, “This is not right.” But situation after situation, I allowed our relationship to eat me up… until I was no longer myself.
I was being nice to people, at the expense of self-respect.
When I discovered my relationship with my ‘self’ was on the rocks, I decided to take action.
I had to redefine and re-learn who I was based on a solid foundation, not based on what people made me feel. I really learned how to like myself. I went through counseling. I went through coaching. I invested in myself.
If you feel you need deeper emotional support to heal and restore your relationship with yourself, know that you’re allowed to not get through this season on your own. You can talk to me; I’d like to work with you through this.
This will be a painful process, but your pain will not be a waste. You’re going to learn many many things about yourself.
Breakups Take You to Rebuild Relationship with Yourself
This time I have realized I had to rebuild a relationship with myself. How do we rebuild a relationship with our “self”?
Like any other things we build, we do that when we invest time, energy, and even money on that thing.
So let me ask you…
Do you dare to invest time, energy, money on yourself?
Do you have enough faith in yourself that when you invest time, energy, and money, you know that you will get your ROI back, more than any other stock in the world?
Do you dare to bet on yourself?
Do you dare to gamble on yourself?
As an adult, I understand that I have a choice right now to invest in myself, to learn how to rebuild my life, to learn how to unlearn all the things that are no longer serving me, and to learn all the things that can serve me.
If you can relate, I want to invite you to set an intention, to say:
“I don’t know how, but I would like to learn how to like myself more because I want to learn how to ultimately love myself and love my life.
I’m done waiting for someone to tell me I am precious. I’m done with someone validating me. I’m done with waiting for someone to believe in me. I’m done waiting for someone to invest in me.
Because if I can’t like myself, if I can’t love myself if I can’t even commit to myself, who is going to commit to me?
You know if you can say that, the universe is going to surround you with the support that you need to learn how to like yourself.
I want to invite you to get into a safe, positive, good energy environment with like-minded people: the Dream Girl Inner Circle. This is a secret group on Facebook. It’s highly filtered to keep it high quality filled with women who are serious about learning how to like herself, learning how to like her life, rebuilding her life, and creating the life she desires.